I have written before about how my mother was diagnosed with 90% chance of colon cancer. There is something there, but they didn’t want to do a biopsy because she is 90 and it is painful. Even if they did find out for sure, the operation to remove it is too much for her.
So, last week a palliative nurse came by to interview Mom and myself. She was very kind and helpful. My mom keeps forgetting her diagnosis and had to be reminded. As soon as my mother has any pain, I am supposed to call these nurses and they come right over to give my mother drugs and help out with anything else. It is good to know they will be here.
We saw Mom’s regular doctor and she has set Mom up with a hospice home, just in case she gets too much pain. Mom will then go to live there until the end. I do love how our government takes care of all this. The hospice care will only be $37 a day. The nurse visits are free. The doctor said they will not let Mother die in pain.
Mom hasn’t had any blockage or pain since the first time when she went to emergency. I’m very happy about that. At first she slept most of the day and night, and I just let her. The hospital never let her sleep a lot and neither did the rehab center. After a few weeks of only being awake 4 or 5 hours, she now gets up more often and stays awake for hours. She is doing very well and is happy. I’m so glad God gave us this nice time together.
The last few weeks, I’ve had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I’m sure you all know how frustrating that can be, not to mention I was getting more tired. I took half a sleeping pill for two nights this week. It was nice to sleep, but they do make me feel groggy and just yucky. Last night, I didn’t take any and didn’t get to sleep until 6am.
I don’t feel I am worrying about Mom, I think it is just having it in my mind that I do not know when or what is going to happen. Then there are the other members of my family that I think about. Also, I have nightmares, not about my father anymore, but about my family suffering. This means I’m kind of scared to fall asleep because of the dreams.
I used to worry about my family so much I would cry and feel terrified. I am no longer that way. I do trust God completely when it comes to them. I know he loves them even more than I do. I know he is working for them because I have asked him to.
This morning, well 1pm when I woke up, I talked with God about it some more and opened my Bible. I always am encouraged by the Psalms, so I went there. God encouraged me through his words, and I’m so thankful. Later on, I saw an ad about older people who have Parkinson’s Disease. I thought that it would be awful if Mom had that. I thought about what other people have to deal with. I felt comforted by God that dying is just a part of this life and he is here with me through it all.
These are the verses I read this morning:
Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you.
(When the Psalms speak of an enemy, I think of Satan as the enemy who tries to discourage me.)
The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.
(Often I think of what God has done for me and what he has done in the Bible.)
I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.