Suicide. A Story of God’s Love.


Statue:  Fragile Emotion

Photo by: Don

My beloved nephew, Ian, killed himself a month ago. He was 45 years old. He had paranoid schizophrenia. 

I remember reading some religions believe suicide is a sin. Even a sin God can’t forgive. I don’t believe that. I’ve been suicidal myself; I have a mental illness because of my abusive father. Elijah wanted to die, so did Jeremiah and Job. God didn’t tell any of them they sinned in that wish.

Ian quit taking his medication, which a lot of people with schizophrenia do. He kept refusing to take it until he was having delusions every day. I won’t go into detail about his illness, what I wanted to share about him was his journey to God.

About a year or more ago, Ian started getting interested in spiritual things. He wanted to find the “true” religion. He studied Buddhism, Islam and Christianity. He used to call me and we would talk about these religions. He asked me why I thought Christianity was the true religion and I told him. Then he started asking me about the different Christian religions. I told him of some of the different beliefs that were out there. He asked me about the church I grew up in, which is the Seventh-Day-Adventist Church.

I explained our beliefs to him. So, he went and visited some churches in his community in Washington, State. I asked which one he liked best, and he did say the Adventist church. He asked about why we worship on Saturday instead of Sunday, and I told him all the reasons.

When my mother broke her hip and was in the hospital, Ian came to see her and stayed with us. He came twice. We talked some more about God, and why I believed he was the true God. All the rest of the time he talked with me it was about his delusions of being followed and how he was putting us in danger just by visiting us. He thought the government was after him, but I never did understand why he thought that. He talked about conspiracies, but I don’t know what kind. He thought he had special powers.

The only time he talked sanely was when he talked about God. The last day he was here, he said he had made up his mind and believed in God and Jesus and also would not work on Sabbath again. I was very happy for him. As he drove away for the last time, I said to God, “Oh Lord, what are you going to do for him?”

He killed himself a few days later. I think God stepped back and let it happen. Ian had turned to God, given himself to him and that was what God was waiting for. Ian will now have the peace he longed for when Jesus returns. We will see him and hug him again, and he will be all well. I’m so looking forward to that day. I’ll see my brother, grandson, Ian, my grandmothers and who knows who else? And of course I will get to see Jesus and the face of my father God. Oh yes, I am excited about that day.

21 thoughts on “Suicide. A Story of God’s Love.

  1. I used to believe suicide is a sin, but you can search the Bible and you’re right, there are no scriptures that say suicide is immediate can’t return. I haven’t believed that lie in years.

    I think it’s about a personal relationship with Christ, finding salvation through Jesus and repenting of our sins, living as Christ would. Through that relationship, God knows the individual best, and as you mentioned, He knows our mental state. He formed us before we were born. It’s so important people know that. We are loved beyond measure through Christ. It’s amazing. Thank you for sharing this story. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very deep I appreciate your strength in telling sharing this story, I agree with you as well I couldn’t see God turning away, not at a time like that, I hope in some way before all was said and done he found some sort of peace with things…

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  3. I’m sorry for your loss. I think as Believers we need to be very careful when WE start naming what WE think. Acts 16:31 is a verse I repeated many times to my AWANA girls when they would tell me certain things would keep someone from Heaven. Unbelief in Christ’s work on the Cross is the only one. Again, there are so many times in my life when I have thought or believed a certain way, but I know I am going to Heaven because I have accepted Christ as my Savior. God’s promises and words are true. Prayers for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Bella. That was the saddest thing I’ve read today. Brought me to tears. I can only imagine what you are thinking about and trying to make sense of what you know and what you think you did/don’t and do. I have my opinions and that was huge of you to share✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kindness. I am at peace over Ian’s death, because he was in such mental pain. He was very sad all the time. His mother and sister are also at peace about it, even though it hurts so much.


  5. This is a very touching post which brought tears to my eyes. So sorry for the loss. I was so touched towards the end when you talked about heaven and all your loved ones that you will see. I’m so glad that when we get to heaven, we will see our lost loved ones. Hope is what keeps us going and hope will see us through.💕

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Even though this must be so painful for you and your family, I am thankful he is at peace. I believe you are right, that he is still with God, despite what some preach about suicide. I had not heard your perspective from anyone else before and it resonated with me. I’m so sorry for your loss!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Belle, My wife’s husband committed suicide not long before God brought us together. I read your post to her and she was moved. Thank you for sharing your heart. I, too, believe that those who commit suicide are not doomed to hell. Still, we don’t want to encourage that as a solution. But it does comfort we who are close to someone who committed the act. I’m glad God is bigger than our condemnation. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so sorry for your loss. I struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. I don’t think it’s an automatic block from Heaven and I think Martin Luther had the same inclination. I do think it is a sin in that it is destroying the beautiful human that God put his work and love into, but we all sin in our weakness and we all need forgiven, God has forgiven murders in the Bible ( including at least one apostle,) if god forgives people who murders others it stands to reason he will forgive a person who voluntarily takes their own life. I’ve read other blogs and googled that very question. I wrote a post on my blog about it to. I think it is horrible to tell people that if someone they loved committed suicide that that person went to hell, the bible does not ever state that verbatim. It’s a disease. My uncle had childhood diabetes right around the time insulin was starting to be used and not many people understood type I diabetes. His teachers thought he was making it all up and that his mom was just crazy. I almost died because he went hypoglycemic and they thought he was just “pretending” for attention, I feel like depression, schizophrenia, and many other mental disorders are the same way someday more technology will be able to show the neurotransmitters in action and everyone will be like “OOOHHHH it really was a physical disease.” Another way I think of it: If someone was drugged with a hallucinogen and killed themselves based on what they were experiencing is it their fault? It was all very real to them. Praise God that God is the only one who’s judgement we need to be concerned with. Blessings to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for what you said. I also have a mental illness and have attempted suicide. I understand the mental strain and pain of wanting to do that. Yes, I am very glad God alone is judge of all.

      Liked by 1 person

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