My husband and I on our wedding day. (1977)
I was posting earlier about the words I speak and also about not getting irritated. The Lord is truly working because today, when I was irritated with my husband I was immediately impressed to tell him he was right in that I had no reason to feel that way. He was trying to show me how to drain the water from a can of sliced mushrooms. I wanted to do it my own way and he wouldn’t give me the can. He is a methodical, practical person who thinks everything should be done in a certain way. I am a fly-by-night person who wings it a lot because I think it will save time; I do something one way and then maybe next time I’ll do it another way. We drive each other crazy.
Anyway, I rejoice in how God is helping me to quickly see my errors. I suppose this is why it is important to talk with God about our faults, but also not worry about them. He will fix things. It is fun to watch him work on my stubborn heart.
I remember many years ago, I was going for walks each day. My husband was on vacation and asked to come along. I was happy for the company. We stopped at the end of the driveway and he asked, “Where are we going? What’s the route you take?” I told him, “I never plan a route; I just start walking.”
He couldn’t live with that. It was too much for him, so he said, “Let’s plan a route.” I was irritated, but I could see we would be going nowhere if I didn’t go along. We planned a route.
God has shown me why my husband doesn’t like spontaneity. His childhood was chaotic; he never knew when his father would beat him. He would sometimes be woken out of sleep to be beaten. One time he was brushing his teeth and his father smashed his head into the sink. So, my husband needs all things planned. No surprises.
This is where understanding and compassion comes into play in a marriage. We may not understand our spouse; we may think they are crazy, but there are always, always reasons for what people do and how they look at life. Planning things is not a big enough deal to fight about. Of course, if your husband treats you like crap, that is worth dealing with. It must be dealt with but in a loving way. As they say, “Pick your fights.”
My husband has to put up with my craziness too. I look on the dark side of life; every time my daughter drives all the way to Kelowna to visit, I picture her in a big car crash. I read the news and figure the world is falling apart. My husband? A total optimist. Naturally. We call him, “Walmart is always open.” because if he wants it to be open, it is. (He told my daughter it was open til 10:00 pm and it wasn’t.)
I want to be a blessing to my husband. I want to always be kind, loving and understanding. I want to always speak with good words, words of encouragement and love. God has helped me do that all through our marriage; but I was still falling far short of what I could be. I can see God is helping me do better and that makes me happy.