Last night, as I lay in bed, I said to God, “Thanks for such a great day.” Then I stopped. It hadn’t actually been a great day as far as events in my life. Some truly negative things were going on in my family and that day had been especially stressful. But as the day wound down, I didn’t feel the stress in my heart like I used to. I didn’t feel like crying. What a difference! All because I finally understand God loves me just as I am and I love him, so every day is wonderful because it is a day with him.
I have this thing called Joy in my heart now. I used to read about it and want it but I never found it until recently. I couldn’t understand how anyone could feel joyful in this horrible world or joyful when they, or someone they loved, were suffering. I finally know. It only took me 45 years! Lol Well, I had a lot to get over and a lot to learn.
It feels weird not to be worried about family members who are sick. I almost feel like that is betraying them. How dare I have a good day when they are suffering! How dare I have a moment’s happiness when they are sad! I actually feel guilty. But, as Joyce Meyers says, we cannot let our feelings rule us. We must live by the word of God and what is right and wrong. It is wrong to worry and I ain’t gonna do it any more.
Peace. That’s what you get when you don’t worry. I used to want that too and now I have it. Peace with God. Resting in his love. It is so wonderful.
This isn’t to say I won’t ever cry again or feel awful, no, but it won’t be my default button any more.